"The best rational basis to oppose gay marriage is our unwillingness to codify familial dysfunction. Gay marriage leaves men, women and especially children handicapped in the sort of personal development a truly progressive civilization requires." P. Mero-Traditional marriage is in society's best interest-SL Trib

Let me just say a few things about this statement. If I am truly handicapped does that mean that I qualify for disability payments? Because if that is the case then shit, I am going to stop working and start living off the man, which is exactly the thing that conservatives don't really appreciate. But hell, if this is the argument-I might just go for it. I will take my copy of this illustrious man's editorial right on down to the disability office and claim my right to live off the state system.

Now, let's just discuss marriage for a minute. I had a little tiff with my wife tonight because she said something that hurt my feelings. It wasn't a big deal, we weren't going to break up about it but I was hurt. Let me ask you straighty heteros out there...does your significant other ever hurt your feelings? If so, does that mean that your marriage is somehow affecting mine? We bought gas today before we went and ate pot roast (that was made in alas and oh my GOSH a crock pot) and watched a movie with some friends who were staying at a condo in Park City. I made Lauren pump the gas because I didn't want to get out of the car. Now, let me ask you straighty heteros out there...have you ever eaten pot roast made in ALAS AND OH MY GOSH A CROCK POT? And have you ever eaten said pot roast with friends? And have you ever made your spouse pump gas for you because you didn't want to get out of the car? If so, let me just pronounce this to you now...you might be gay and married and you may be the cause of the downfall of society.

Am I angry? Yes. Am I feeling a lot of stress in my marriage right now? Yes. Is it because I am gay? Well, let me just say this, I am feeling a teensy beensy bit stressed but it is because some self riteous white guys think that they can use the most fundamental document of this nation to TAKE AWAY my rights...for any of you that took high school history and remember it the FUCKING CONSTITUTION IS TO GIVE RIGHTS NOT TAKE THEM AWAY!

Let me just let you in on a little secret Mr. P. Mero and all you other fucking fascist think you know better than anybody else self riteous fucking asshole pigs...your marriage isn't what has been damaged here...mine is. (11/8/2008)

So most if not all of you know that I am a big Hillary fan, well, I got to meet her last week and it was amazing. And by meet her I mean that I got to spend at least 3 minutes talking to her and got my picture taken with her except that they are copywritten so I can't put it up here. Anyhow, I got to meet her and as I was watching our President elect on Tuesday night I felt like I was watching history repeating itself...African American men got the right to vote before women and so I know in my heart that if Barack Obama can become President then so too can a woman, it just isn't our time yet.

I am sitting here making ridiculous amount of playlists using the Genius function on iTunes, if you haven't done that yet I highly recommend it, it is almost as distracting as Facebook, which if you haven't done that yet I highly recommend it...it is a delicious way to get in touch with people you had no intention of ever seeing again in your whole entire life.

I have missed blogging, I have missed feeling as if my opinion matters. This election cycle has sucked my brain out and I am not sure there is anything left in there. In fact, I have been so delusional I thought it would be a really pretty good idea to go to Metallica on Monday night. Now I know I am being captain obvious here but that was the night before the biggest election of my life and I am no longer 14. Yes ladies and gentlemen, there was headbanging and air guitaring and poor Lauren had never been to a heavy metal show in her life...she sat there with her ears plugged the whole time as I just rocked my little heart out. By the way, they aren't 20 anymore either...they need to stop playing now...ya, that would be good.

Okay, so they still rock and I am still a metal head, I honestly don't know why she loves me half the time. I still wear levi mini skirts and insist on wearing Doc Martens in public. Sometimes I want to wear them to the legislature...I wish I could decide if that was a good idea or not. The boots, not the mini skirt, I KNOW the mini skirt is a bad idea. (11/6/2008)

If I had time to say it this is what I would say, I just love me some Snoop Dog(10/30/2008)

I am sitting here watching the presidential debate and it reminded me...you all need to be registered to vote and don't vote and tell your friends and family don't vote...watch this video and don't vote damnit!!!

Oh my goodness...there is a song about Sarah Palin...isn't that exciting? (10/7/2008)

Lauren and I were talking about you the other night. I was saying that I just wanted to call you and ask if you wanted to go for a drive. I have felt this way about my grandma, where I just want to pick up the phone and call but never you and now it is all I can think about. What if I could just pick up the phone and see what you are doing? What if I could just call and say I needed a hug because my day had been so stressful? What if...

What if you had known there was another way for Lewis Blackham to pay the price for his improprieties and you didn't have to take your own life? What if you knew that it was all going to be okay and grandpa wouldn't hate you or be disappointed at you forever? What if you had known what would happen to us? What if...

There have been a lot of what if's the last few months...what if you had been murdered? What if someone would have been able to stop you? What if...

I miss you every day and even though I try not to I still see you when I look in the mirror, sometimes it is hard for me to see myself because I feel like I am constantly thinking about you. I miss you. I feel so much guilt for hating you all this time. I am so sorry that I believed all the stories and the lies. I am so sorry that you can't hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I am so sorry that this has taken me so long to figure out. I miss you every day and wish you were here so that I could curl up on your lap and read to you, like I used to, when I was little. Every time I see "Little Bear" I think about sitting on the bathroom floor while you got ready for work and you reminding me to pause at the period. Take a big breath you would say...take a small one at the comma (that little thing is called a comma)...get excited when there is a line with a dot at the bottom. If I go deep enough all I have are good memories and lots of smiling and laughter. If I go deep enough you are still holding me in your massive arms and I can still remember the feel of your beard on my face. If I go deep enough I know in my heart that you loved me and you were happy that I was around. If I go deep enough I can feel you the minute I hit the dirt road.

And all I am left with is a great deal of regret that you aren't here to share this life with me...and I become hopeful that you will come to me again, like you did when you died, and tell me that you love me and to take care...everyday I wish that you were here...and everyday I hope I am making you proud...I will keep looking at my knuckles and thinking of you...I will look in my eyes and see you...I will get that same smirk on my face when I know that I have won. I love you dad...please know that I love you...please come and tell me that it will be okay...

(09/10/2008)

I am sitting at my desk trying to figure out what is wrong...I love my job, love it...love it, love it, love it...but something is wrong...something is missing...

Oh wait, is that me?   Missing?   I fell like I have forgotten something and I can't remember what it is.   I am doing everything I am supposed to.   I am working, I am making a good wage.   I am a good sister, a fairly decent daughter.   I feel like a really horrible wife but I can't do anything about that right now.   I am trying to live healthy and I try to give my dogs enough exercise so that they don't drive themselves crazy.   I just tried to look up the name of the sheriff who is working on my dad's case and I can't remember his last name so I can't look it up.   I am working on getting substantially in debt like every other good American.   I am faithfully writing down my points and weighing in every week.   I am trying to be the girl with the most cake and I feel a little bit like Alice falling down the hole.

I actually just looked down and I swear I can see the earth moving into a pretty pink a white swirl...yep, there it is...the hole and I am falling and my to do list already went to shit and I am fairly sure that I won't be able to recover it by the time I leave here in 3 hours.   I feel like I have used up all my resources and I am really, really unclear how to get any back.   I spent money on that damn quit smoking pill and can't convince myself to take it...maybe next week I say...this takes planning you know.   Maybe I am afraid of the dreams...maybe I am afraid of the stopping...what will I do with my hands, on the porch, with my coffee, with my beer, with my water, in the garden?   What will I do when I am no longer a smoker?

I feel lost and I miss her.   I miss her laugh and I miss the way she used to roll over and stare at me in the morning.   I miss the girl who dreamt about all she could do and then tried to figure out how to do it.   I miss her learning and being in school, even though it sucked, it inspired her.   I miss her looking at me looking at Lili thinking maybe that could be us someday, even though I am fairly sure that I really don't want that but why not?   Why not?   I miss my best friend being just my best friend and I miss the idiot I used to be when I was with her.  

I miss impromptu shoe shopping trips to Nordstrom, fucking church ripping down my Nordstrom.   I miss spending random amounts of money on clothes and perfume and make up I would never wear.   I miss not caring how to pay the bills...not worrying about whether I am conserving energy whether it is for the environment or to save a buck.   I hate trying to scramble.   I hate trying to fight.   I hate myself for being foolish and impulsive and stupid.   I hate that I have this mentality that I need it and I need it now.   What am I some snobby fat kid from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"?